My Sunday afternoon naps usually are very abrupt and fraught with lot of unrelated incidents dancing around each other as if celebrating the connections, that only my subconscious mind has been privileged with the capability to derive.
So was today, almost like a roller coaster ride, just like this month till now has been- a pendulum-like travel between extremes- when I started the month with quite a disaster at work questioning my self-defined abilities and the like, but was in a way surprised by help that poured in, as some was totally from unexpected quarters.But my first Sunday was graced with a trip that gave me those very precious and seldom experienced "Moment" of sheer unadulterated and pure Joy- the breeziness associated with being in a dream- when I stood in front of the Athirapally Falls (near Cochin)- with that wide expanse and beam of water powerfully hitting the river below, and standing some metres away from it, on a slippery rock, I could feel every sinew and tip of my body drenched with the watery wind.Just did not feel like returning from there, but good things come to an end, all too soon, so did the Sunday, and the week ensued with more work and official visits of people to Madurai. However, my long awaited and looked forward to holiday was still there- my Pune Bombay visit.
Well, I was tipped that my holiday may get cancelled, since it was timed ill with a certain crucial decision at work- but thankfully (at least for once I can thank) it was not cancelled, and as I boarded the flight to Bombay, the last phone call from the all-to-be at work did make me realise the holiday is going to be quite a lot like "work from home", but I didnt mind. I landed at the Bombay airport, and henceforth till I reached Dadar to take the bus to Pune, I was on the crucial call- my heart was racing inside me as I forced my brain to hear every golden word being discussed between the big brains of TN. The bus journey to Pune was also, a miniature of "work while travel and anticipations to meet Deepti after a year"- and what a feeling it was to see her when her Swift came to pick me up near Parihar Chowk. From then on, the three days that followed, were bliss, especially after Verma and Dada joined us. Our Lonavla trip- the beauty around (reminding me of Europe a bit), the Vada Pav (what a relief to eat that again) at Joshi Vadawala's- the drive with the drizzle that made it heavenly,the getting wet- literally drenched at the Bushi Dam, and finally figuring out a way to get the Walnut Fudge from Coopers!! Watching Rock On with four others who had already seen it, especially Sourab who was watching it the thrid time (trust his taste to like that movie so much!!) and the "bakar at CCD" college ishtyle that followed it.
But the last leg of the trip was a little disappointing with the Ganpathy visarjan making me immobile in Bombay and I not being able to meet Harshit and Deepu, whom I was really looking forward to paying a visit to.The trip was an eye opener for me, in many ways that I can express in a partially public forum like this, of the minor realisations (or rather re-realisations) of what I am missing out by leading this all-alone life to the first hand gruelling truth of what our country is moving to - almost making me dreadfully draw a parallel to the novel i was reading then - The Kite Runner- and the country it is set in- if this is what India is choosing for its future, I do not know how long I can sit in inaction in the niche cage of a managerial position of corporate India.
Return to work after that has been a further drawing away from the happy state of being- how attempts at rationalisation and professional(read joyless stone-like) behavior can keep failing unless the spark of self motivation tugs one on. And I have been forced to wonder time and again, if work in itself is a dampener for all- that there cannot be anything as "complete job satisafction" or that I am somehow a misfit in this "corporate culture". The other day I made a colleague of mine the victim of my discomfort and bad mood, which made me introspect later, that when have the tide of things changed so much that I expose my inner feelings so seamlessly to people around,occupying a vulnerable space- or was I always like this, albeit in a much safer and placented zone among friends and well-wishers, and it is only now that I feel like a lost child out in the open??!! Such are the wanderings of my subconcious mind during Sunday afternoon naps...but another Sunday is about to get over soon....I better catch up on something interesting...apart from my list of phonecalls [Thank God I have friends who keep calling me up often :) ]
