Such a beautiful thought:
"Tu kahe toh tere hi kadam ke main nishano pe, chalun,ruku isharo pe
Tu kahe toh khwabon ka bana ke main bahano sa, mila karun sirhane pe"

That is why lyrics of Bollywood songs, though not taken seriously by some, never cease to enchant me..
and this song has that lilting haunting quality about it, one can only feel it right in the sinews, if one were to play it at high volume with lights switched off or dimmed, and every other thought about work or the mess in life pushed into a far corner of the mind.

Khuda jaane ki main fida hun.....Khuda jaane mein mit gaya...Khuda jaane ye kyun hua hai..ki..

Aisa bhi hota hai

Life never ceases to surprise us..not for the big changes only, but even in the small, least expected bends in the road.

So as I actually battle the language problem each day (and now explaining everything at least twice with elaborations, has become a norm),I never expected that the auto guy whom I have fixed for going to the depot in the morning, and with whom I share a "dont understand a word spoken by the other but a business transaction exists" relationship, would have as his ringtone ..guess what..a popular hindi song, from the old times of my adolescence "Tujhe dekha to ye jana sanam"!!

Aisa bhi hota hai..I hope i get more ,and better Pleasant surprises :)

We do not find a book, rather a book finds us...??

Have been tempted for some time to simply write my views on the books I have finished in the last two weeks (and typically this blog should have preceeded the earlier one). Its quite unlike me to read a book and forget it as soon as I shut it .Not only does my mind keep wandering over it, I take the liberty of discussing it with a lot of people also. Some may think this is beating the book (a simple enthralling narrative) to death, but during my Literature days I realised how just reading the story in a book is like drinking the water in a coconut and missing on the soft, yummy "malai" inside. which at least I am very fond of.
During my last visit to Chennai(this is the monthly regional meet), I bought two books- Brida by Paulo Coelho, and P.S I love you by Cecilia Ahern. The latter was the one I picked up to read first, for it had been suggested by quite a few people, all having the common rider : " YOU would love it because its YOUR kind of a novel". I usually tend to take such display of confidence in my taste, by others, as a challenge (or may be simplistic method) to find what is it that "I would so definitely like"!!P S I Love You, for me had an uncanny resemblance to Kuch Kuch Hota hai, for both have letters bridging the gap between the alive and the past of the dead. The novel had nothing new in it, and precisely that would be the reason it went ahead to become such a popular novel- talking about small things that anyone who has even remotely felt being in love, would identify with, and definitely anyone who has undergone the pain of separation, of any form, would swear by. Its easy to go on and on about a book - and end up expressing opinions as long as the book- but for me what touched me most about the book was the way my mind (or rather heart) shifted through the novel. I started by feeling this "spree of identification" with everything the protaganist mentioned, with grief overwhelming my heart and tears wetting the pages of the book. However as Gerry's letters brought something to look forward to in Holly 's life and transformed memories from dreaded recollections to sweet remembrances, I started feeling the same- almost spreading a smile on my tear stained face..even tempting me to thank people who made some of those memories.
The second novel was Brida, which I carried during my tour to Nagercoil. I am not a fan of Coelho in any way, in fact it is one writing style, I find has the most potential to destroy the purpose of philosophy, by being so vulgarly blatant about it. However, it does not hinder me from reading them purely as a "source of information" of the various principles. Brida is a book that talks at length about Irish Mysticism, about the Tradition of the Sun and the Tradition of the Moon, the magic of the forms of existence of a woman and the search that interests every human being at some point in her/his life- that of a Soulmate.I would refrain from saying whether there is justice done to the principles or not, but I did get hooked on to the book as if my life depended on it-- and the 5 hour train journey at least had 4 hours of enriching support. Was reminded of 3rd year during my Literature studies in LSR, when SC (the prof) used to teach Yeats and his use of Irish Mysticism- be it the phases of the moon concept or the Symbology used. These discussions used to almost bewitch me and so Brida for me was peeling another layer of that onion.
My third book was "Acts of Faith" by Erich Segal. I had somehow never read Erich Segal books beyond Love Story, though its one of my favorite. But with Erich Segal books being easily available in e-versions, I ended up downloading some and hence reading them. Against all that is said about the "pulp" nature of his books, I found depth in the simplicity of his narration and style- be it "The Class" (which I read a month back) where the simplest and most common thing - a batch of students, coming from different areas of life, dreams and confidence in their hearts and difference in expectations during college and actual realities on the other side of the college boundary wall, is depicted in the most readable, enjoyable and yet thought provoking manner.So is the case with "Acts of Faith" that juggles between the fundamentals of the two warring religions -the Jewish faith and Christianity and how the simple truth of humanly love is denied by the most profound preachers of priestly and spiritual love. The ending was a true feel good, love overcomes all, Bollywood-ish typicality , but at least in this case, that is what provided justice to the 500 pages before it- at least it did for me- that the strings of the heart are not necessarily frivolous desires but may bring forth the most astounding truths of existence.


Now my Blore visit, (which I would do justice to through a separate post) also gave me the opportunity to buy few books-bought 7 for the moment, in no order of preference of reading, but simply letting my hand wander and pick them up...bacause somehow I have started believeing:
" We do not find a book, rather a book finds us..at a juncture in life, what is to be read may also not be solely our chocie?"

Konnection ho jaaye

Reminiscing my Bhubaneswar days ..when I used to ensure that every Saturday I convince Dad to buy the evening show tickets for the new movie on the block..and what a movie buff I have been ..Bollywwod ki pujaran style :) [the drama still exists]
And I do manage to relate and analyse a lot even in Bollywood movies..so its not surprising how, based out of a town in the southern state of Tamil Nadu, where I have not been able to spot a Hindi movie DVD(not even Moserbear versions), forget having a cinema hall screening Hindi movies,it pinches me to check out Zoom and Channel V (my lifelines here) for all the new movies coming up, but not be able to watch any!!!
And with my latest crush, Shahid Kapur, singing " Bakhuda Tumhi ho.." after every 5 minutes on Zoom, I am dying to watch the movie..thats a different thought that the couple of Vidya Balan and Shahid reminds me of something, rather of somepeople.
Right now just keeping my fingers crossed, to grace a cinema theatre for this one at least.."konnection ho jaaye....."

Overpowered by emotions....

To feel as humanly small as one can feel..to keep asking yourself what made you fall for all that,step into it knowing everything and ending up feeling unwanted and unimportant..and to be under this illusion that for that brief moment, you were actually happy, really truly happy..For as many haircuts you get, Brownies you eat,hang out with your friends or dance it away,every night you feel the pain in parts of your heart you never knew existed...and wake up with the fuzzy feel in your head that you dont know which part of time you are really in..To go to some other place, meet new people who make you feel important and worthwhile,and yet have those moments coming back to you every once in a while..that drinking and crying it out does not pour out the grief from within you ..and you only believe what people keep telling you-that Time will wear it away..just that you keep waiting for that Time ..which seems like Eternity..almost

I guess I am becoming stronger

I guess I am becoming stronger - emotionally that is.

There was a time I had given up music and dance...and this for a person like me translated to much, because both these arts almost define my life in a certain way..Why i had given them up was becuase of the painful memories they brought on me, considering the kind of associations I am capable of forming with a particular song...but there came a time when one of my very good friends egged me on to listen to those songs that caused the most pain, to create a sense of mundaneness around them and build new memories for them...Was almost impossible to follow this advice but I decided to try it at least...after almost about a year from this incident, today as I was busy making rotis in the kitchen, the sweet melody of one such song reached my ear and I almost turned to reach the Remote,when I decided Lets do this despite being alone here..Let me put this Test of "Managing Memories" without support from anyone else..and I managed to listen to the entire song, make Rotis without a single tear bordering my eye....

I Guess this is a good sign...that either I am hardening to the reality of the emotionless world, or am swimming out of the pool of deep memories..either way I wish it only helps