Change

I have often been told that "Change is the law of nature" and accepting change quickly and easily is the best thing to do.But the true sense of this saying has come home to me,as a striking realisation,only now.
What happens when one has to accept that the most crucial and impactful change has to be made within..when the traits that you have almost loved yourself for, appear to be your most profound weaknesses?the ones that cause the most hurt and pain..to others,but more dangerously to you?
Despite few emotionally traumatising phases or instances in my life, I have always believed that its those very emotions I am capable of feeling to a sane degree of intensity,that have helped me take on whatever has come my way.I have always derived a certain "strength" from people and my relationships with them, most of all friends, which for me form a motley group, and, it is knowing and being a part of all these differences, variety in thought, opinions, feelings and action,that lends me an important part of my character. The conviction that people who matter to me deserve more than a fair share of my time, energy and involvement, has always defined me.And it even goes beyond- to whatever activity I like, appreciate or idealise-to places-and the combination of all these as 'moments' to cherish.

But when I look back at my life, or at the part I would call "adult life", I once in a while do wonder,if what I am , my core personality has not just added but multiplied the instances of grief, hurt and misunderstandings. Has it been for most of these parts my over-involvement,over-emotional internalisation leading to unwanted quanta of enthusiasm and unfair set of expectations from people or situations that matter to me?
Have I been the creator of the "befriend- emotionally invest/invlove-expect-be disappointed" cycle and thus been disappointed and hurt endlessly, from day to day affairs to matters of greater consequence?
And after a fair degree of such wondering and in effect rationalising, the answers come close to a "Yes" to "All of the above": Very very difficult to accept but probably the truth - the big truth that thence requires a stronger and more wilfull change. One that points all its fingers to one word "Detachment" -from people, their thoughts and lives,from relationships, from work, from feelings, from happiness as much as from grief...
May be this is why they preach Nirvana, because they know, howsoever tough it is for a human being to 'handle' pain, it is tougher not to let it 'affect' you in the first place,and toughest not to feel it at all.

But I shall try..and I have started already...

After all..
"Jeene ke liye, socha hi nahi, dard uthane honge
Muskuraye toh muskurane ke karz utarne honge
Muskarao kabhi toh lagta hai
Jaise hoton pe karz rakha hai..."